Imagine if we were all unconditionally kind toward each other. The world would be a pretty different place, right? Well, loving-kindness meditation is all about cultivating that kind of attitude: one of benevolence toward all our fellow humans (even, and perhaps especially, the ones who you think don’t deserve it). Sounds like an impossible task. But stay with us: There’s no pressure to instantly transform into a perfect person who’s totally immune to the odd bout of road-rage. Practicing loving-kindness is a quiet, internal process that influences how you feel. (Though as a flow-on effect, how you feel can certainly influence how you act.)
Below we’ll look at what loving-kindness meditation is and why it works, according to science of course, and share with you a guided loving-kindness meditation you can do at home.
What is Loving-Kindness Meditation?
Loving-kindness meditation derives from the Theravāda school of Buddhism. The term itself is a translation of the Pali word metta, which is a mental state of unselfish and unconditional kindness to all beings. So how do you actually do that?
Practicing loving-kindness meditation normally involves calling to mind a person or group of people who we want to direct metta energy to, then mentally repeating positive phrases toward them. It often starts by directing metta at oneself before moving on to loved ones, then people we have neutral feelings for. Many meditations also involve sending positive energy to people we dislike, and all beings unequivocally. As in everyone. On the planet. Those last two are more difficult to master, so it might take some time and practice before you can send love to your enemies. Or you know, tyrants.
Let’s first look at how you can direct these positive feelings at yourself. Because that’s difficult for a lot of us.
Here are some examples of metta mantras to try:
- May I be filled with loving kindness.
- May my life be filled with happiness, health, and well-being.
- May I be peaceful despite whatever is happening in my life.
Makes more sense now, right? Enter phase two—loving-kindness phrases you can direct at others:
- May you be free from suffering.
- May you be happy, healthy, and strong.
- May all beings live with ease and be safe from inner and outer dangers.
You want these mantras to have meaning. They should be used mindfully, to draw your attention back to the metta energy you’re directing to the subject.
Science-Backed Benefits of Loving-Kindness Meditation
So why should you try loving-kindness meditation? In a nutshell: Because being kind to others is good for you. And kindness starts from within.
Let’s back that up with some science.
Loving-kindness meditation = more personal resources
Firstly, what do we mean by personal resources? Things like mindfulness, life purpose, connection, and resilience, all of which make handling crises, stress, and difficulty easier. And easier is good.
A landmark study led by Barbara Fredrickson found that a 7-week course in loving-kindness meditation increased participants’ feelings of amusement, awe, contentment, joy, gratitude, hope, interest, love, and pride. Aka positive emotions. These upbeat emotions weren’t just fleeting: They actually helped build those lasting personal resources, which in turn increased life satisfaction.
That’s not all. You know how when something good happens, you’re beaming for a while, but in time you settle back to normal? Psychologists call this hedonic adaptation. Basically, we adapt to positive events and return to our emotional set-point. But Fredrickson’s study actually suggests that loving-kindness meditation can help us outrun this hedonic treadmill because of the positive emotions it generates. Talk about powerful stuff.
Loving-kindness meditation may help you heal
Mentally and physically. One study found that loving-kindness meditation reduced pain in migraine sufferers. (…though the sample size in this one was small, the effects were not. Attending just one guided meditation session decreased reported pain by over 30 percent.)
Other research suggests that loving-kindness meditation can help veterans with symptoms of PTSD and depression.
Another study measured telomere length in women who practiced loving-kindness meditation versus those who didn’t. (Yeah, we had to look this up too. Shorter telomeres indicate long-term stress and are considered a sign of accelerated aging.) Those who meditated had significantly longer telomeres. I.e., loving-kindness meditation might actually slow down the aging process. We need more research on this one, but it’s definitely an exciting prospect.
Those are just a few examples. Suffice to say that loving kindness, like laughter, is something you should keep stocked in your medicine cabinet.
An Easy Way to Try Loving-Kindness Meditation
Convinced? We sure hope so. Now that we know the definition of loving-kindness meditation and some of the benefits, it’s time to actually try it. Our meditation teacher walks you through a guided loving-kindness meditation that takes just five minutes. Not into following along? You’ll also find the loving-kindness meditation script to practice on your own.
Loving-kindness meditation script
The below meditation was created by Grace Fisher, a teacher at Spirit Rock Meditation Center and a psychotherapist in private practice in the Bay Area.
1. Start with someone you love
Let your body rest in a comfortable position, allowing yourself to feel relaxed and at ease. Then picture yourself in a place that you love—on the beach, by a lake, on a trail in the woods. Pause here and really drop in.
Then think of someone who is easy to love, a person you think of and smile. This may be a teacher whom you deeply admire, a guide from your youth, or maybe a four-legged friend.
Imagine this person being or sitting before you and silently offer these wishes:
May you be happy and peaceful.
May you be safe from inner and outer harm.
May your life unfold with ease.
Repeat these phrases, these well-wishes, keeping the image of this dear one in your mind.
2. Extend that love to yourself
Then when it feels right, imagine this person coming to stand behind you, such that they have your back, and just as you wished this person or being well, so too can you offer yourself these phrases:
May I be happy and peaceful.
May I be safe from inner and outer harm.
May my life unfold with ease.
Again, repeat these phrases, finding your own rhythm.
3. Share it with someone you don’t know well
Next, imagine someone familiar to you, but you don’t know well, like a person at the office, grocery store, or coffee shop.
As they sit before you, extend these well-wishes:
May you be happy and peaceful.
May you be safe from inner and outer harm.
May your life unfold with ease.
Allow your mind to stay concentrated on the phrases. Don’t worry if you don’t feel anything or even if some negative feelings come up. Just stay with the process; stay with the phrases.
4. And with someone you find challenging
The final category is that of the “difficult person”—a person who is challenging, but not The Most Difficult Person in your life.
Imagine them before you at whatever distance feels comfortable, and offer them the same phrases:
May you be happy and peaceful.
May you be safe from inner and outer harm.
May your life unfold with ease.
5. And finally, to everyone
Then imagine these well-wishes, these kind and friendly offerings, traveling in the four directions, touching all those who are suffering from oppression, loneliness, poverty, or war; and to those beings who are celebrating weddings, births, good fortune and health:
May all beings everywhere be happy and peaceful.
May all beings everywhere be safe from inner and outer harm.
May the lives of all beings everywhere unfold with ease.
Practice loving kindness; feel better
Loving-kindness meditation is all about seeking and sending positive emotions, which then generates more of them. And those positive emotions are things we all need to feel better about our lives, be more grateful, and less affected by stress. The benefits are all there. All you have to do is get started.
Your turn: Have you tried loving-kindness meditation yet? Tell us about your experience in the comments.
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